The Parenting Cliff: Why You’re Closer to the Edge Than You Think
"You Were a Little Shit as a Teenager."
That’s what my mom loves to remind me. And honestly? She was absolutely right.
Back in high school and into my university years, we had some fierce arguments about school, girlfriends, borrowing the car, curfews, drinking. You name it, we fought about it.
At the time, I saw it as her being unreasonable. Looking back, I was emotionally volatile, cocky, demanding, and completely lacking Emotional Intelligence. Throw in an athlete’s ego and the fact that my friends’ opinions mattered more than my parents’, and you’ve got a recipe for constant battles.
My poor mom. She had no idea what she was up against, and neither did I.
This was before Emotional Intelligence (EQ) was even a thing. But had I known then what I know now, things might have looked a lot different…
Parenting a teen can feel like standing at the edge of a cliff—one wrong step, and things could spiral into a freefall of arguments, distance, and frustration. If you’re feeling this way, you’re not alone.
Many parents reach this moment and wonder, “Where did I go wrong?” But the truth is, it’s not about failure, it’s about emotional skill development. And the reality is, most teens don’t have the skill set for emotional awareness, emotional regulation, empathy and conflict resolution.
Your Teen Isn’t Ignoring You—They’re Struggling to Understand Themselves
Unless a teen has been actively taught emotional intelligence (EQ), they’re navigating life with limited tools. Their emotions feel big, their reactions feel immediate, and their ability to pause, process, and regulate simply isn’t fully developed yet.
This is where many parents unintentionally hit the parenting cliff—expecting their teen to communicate like an adult when, in reality, their emotional toolkit is still under construction.
So what happens?
Teens feel misunderstood and shut down.
Parents feel disrespected and push harder.
Conflict escalates, and both sides feel unheard.
It’s a frustrating cycle, but here’s the good news: emotional intelligence is a skill. And like any skill, it can be developed.
If You’re Both Lacking EQ Skills, Expect Friction
Many parents expect their teen to regulate their emotions—but have we mastered that skill ourselves?
If you’re feeling triggered by your teen’s behavior, ask yourself:
Do I respond to conflict with emotional awareness or emotional reaction?
Am I modeling the self-regulation I want my teen to develop?
Do I make space for my teen’s emotions, or do I shut them down?
If both parent and teen struggle with EQ, conflict will naturally increase. This is why learning alongside your teen is just as important as guiding them.
Sometimes, Outside Help Is the Best Option
If things feel off the rails, there’s no shame in seeking outside help.
Teens can benefit tremendously from a mentor—someone who isn’t a parent but can teach them emotional intelligence, accountability, and self-awareness in a non-threatening way.
Parents, on the other hand, can gain clarity, skills, and perspective from working with a parent coach. Someone to help reframe challenges, strengthen emotional awareness, and provide tangible tools for better communication.
You Can’t Be Both the Parent and the Mentor
Through trial and error, I’ve learned this the hard way:
💡 You can’t be both the parent and the mentor to your teen.
Why? Because your role as a parent carries emotional weight. Your teen sees you as their authority figure, not their neutral guide.
A mentor can provide insight and guidance in a way that feels less emotionally charged. And when a parent coach is there to support you, it’s easier to stay calm, clear, and connected.
Step Back, Don’t Step Away
Hitting the parenting cliff doesn’t mean all hope is lost—it just means a new approach is needed.
Instead of pushing harder, lean in with curiosity.
Instead of controlling, create a safe space for communication.
Instead of handling everything alone, consider outside support.
Your teen isn’t broken. They’re learning.
And the best way to help them grow is to grow alongside them.
The Hard Truth About Parenting Teens
My mom and I survived the teenage years; barely.
But parents today? They’re up against even more.
Back then, we didn’t have social media, cyberbullying, or personal phones glued to our hands. We weren’t drowning in the pressure to be perfect students, star athletes, and social influencers all at once.
Parents today aren’t just raising kids. They’re guiding them through a world that didn’t exist when they were teens.
Looking back, could I have benefitted from having an emotionally intelligent mentor? Without a doubt.
Would it have helped me better understand myself, handle my emotions, and stop treating my mom like the enemy? Absolutely.
If you’re in the thick of it with your teen, know there’s a way through. You don’t have to do it alone. And neither do they.
Hopefully, I didn’t take too many years off my mom’s life expectancy in the process. (She might argue otherwise.)
