"Before You Say ‘They’re Just Being a Teen,’ Ask This One Question…"
The One Question That Changes How You See Your Teen
“It’s just hormones.”
“They’ll grow out of it.”
“She’s just being dramatic.”
We’ve all said it. Or thought it.
And honestly? Sometimes it’s true.
But other times, that phrase, “They’re just being a teen”, becomes the easy exit. A shield we use when we’re scared, confused, or unsure of what to do next. A way to name what we’re seeing without facing what we’re seeing.
The slammed doors. The eye rolls. The silence that stretches for days. It’s tempting to chalk it up to “normal teen stuff.”
But what if it’s not?
What if underneath the moodiness… is something heavier?
What if the eye roll is covering up anxiety?
What if the silence is a quiet cry for help?
And what if one small question could make all the difference?
The Phrase That Can Miss the Moment
Let’s be clear: growing up is messy. Teens are meant to push boundaries. Emotions are supposed to feel big. But there’s a fine line between “typical teen turbulence” and signs of real emotional distress. And that line is easy to miss.
Especially when you’re exhausted. Especially when they won’t talk.
Especially when you want to believe they’re okay.
The truth is: teens are experts at emotional camouflage. They don’t always come out and say, “I’m scared,” or “I don’t know who I am anymore.”
They say “I’m fine.”
Or “Leave me alone.”
Or nothing at all.
What to Look For Instead
Here’s the hard part: distress doesn’t always scream. Sometimes, it whispers.
Here are a few things that might be more than just “being a teen”:
Sudden isolation or loss of interest in things they once loved
Big changes in sleep, eating, or energy
Expressions of hopelessness or overwhelm (“What’s the point?”)
Emotional outbursts that seem out of proportion
Pulling away from everyone, including you
You don’t need to be a therapist to notice something’s off.
You need to stay curious. And ask the right question.
Try This One Question
When something feels “off,” but you don’t know how to reach them, try this:
“What’s something that’s been hard lately that you haven’t said out loud?”
Not an interrogation. Not a lecture.
Just a gentle nudge that says: I see you. I care. I’m here.
It doesn’t require an answer right away. In fact, it’s even more powerful if you’re willing to wait. Maybe they’ll shrug. Maybe they’ll roll their eyes. Maybe they’ll say, “Nothing.”
That’s okay.
Ask it anyway. Let it land. Let it sit.
Then show up again tomorrow. And the next day.
Connection isn’t about cracking them open. It’s about being a steady presence when they finally decide to speak.
Where Mentorship Comes In
Here’s the other truth: sometimes your teen needs someone who isn’t you.
Not because you’ve failed. But because you’ve done all you can, and they still need more.
Many teens resist therapy. It can feel clinical, forced, or like something’s “wrong” with them. But they will open up to someone they relate to. Someone who’s walked through the same confusion, self-doubt, or sadness and come out the other side.
That’s what mentorship is.
It’s not about fixing your teen.
It’s about walking with them. Guiding without judging. Listening without lecturing.
At MentorWell, we’ve built a space where teens can connect with mentors who just get it: emotionally intelligent guides who’ve been through real life and know how to hold space for someone figuring it all out.
No pressure. No diagnosis. Just someone who sees them and shows up.
You Don’t Have to Have All the Answers, You Just Have to Ask
If there’s one takeaway from this post, let it be this:
Before you say “They’re just being a teen”...
Stop.
Breathe.
And ask:
“What’s been hard lately that you haven’t said out loud?”
It could open a door. It could spark a shift.
It could even save their life.
And if they need more than you can offer?
That’s precisely what we’re here for.
💬 Want to keep the conversation going?
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